Thursday, 22 May 2014

Harriet Harman's secret past

This expenses-cheating MP is best-known for her campaign to stop the Sun showing nude pictures of girls who look sexier than she does - and for insisting on minimum quotas of women in boardrooms (which is EU policy too). More recently she has tried to stop unincorporated associations (that is, groups of friends - like women-only golf clubs, for instance) from excluding new members on gender grounds. However, few realise that she once supported the rights of paedophiles whilst a campaigner with Liberty. And fewer still realise that she used to be a stripper.

Yes, long before she entered politics, Harman worked at a seedy little club just off Whitehall, catering for the lunchtime trade. Not surprisingly most of the members were MPs, claiming their membership fees, drinks, and tips for the girls off expenses. She would tease and provoke them by twirling her silver tassels inches away from their noses, and when she eventually got down to the lurex thong the madly impassioned audience would shove ten pound notes into it, begging her for more. How do I know this? Because it was my job to lead on the pig.

You should have seen that pig. It was a fifty-stone monster, and to say that it had the hots for Harman would be an understatement. Her eyes would water, and the MPs would bet each other on how long she would last before fainting. This, presumably, is why she left the business after only ten years, as she would have found the job quite humiliating - in fact it could even have prejudiced her against men. Nowadays she only ever wears trousers, presumably in case that pig catches up with her. At least, I think I've got the right Harriet Harman......


1 comment:

Keep it clean.....