- if I was prime minister, or better yet, absolute dictator, in case Parliament or the Queen tells me to go.
The BBC will be privatised too - no-one makes us subscribe to the Guardian, so why should we be forced to pay for its broadcasting equivalent? As with the NHS, the flotation act will have a clause fixing a savagely low ceiling on salary, redundancy and pension packages, backdated 50 years. And after serving long sentences for inciting murder by constantly siding with terrorists, BBC hacks will be extradited to Israel for more of the same. Regarding the public sector in general, any employee using the expression "climate change" without a license will be sacked on the spot and if a schoolteacher, prosecuted for child abuse. Their photographs will be put on the web, so that vigilante groups can download them and print them off at will. This brings us back to shale gas. I would instruct scientists to find a way of liquefying it so that we don't need to take part in oil wars any more, and then I would pull all of our troops back to Britain and send them to the lavish new headquarters of the Ministry of Defence.
Then, for every civil servant they shoot, they will get a pay rise. The forces will do their own procurement in future, because unlike bureaucrats they are capable of buying defence equipment that works. They can then use it on anti-social members of the public, and on prisoners who blame their crimes on Thatcher, islamophobia, the British Empire and going to the wrong school, thus eliminating the need for more prisons. In the interests of nature conservation, training exercises will shift from Salisbury Plain to Brussels, Strasburg, Madrid and Buenos Aires.
There are plenty of other things that I would like to do, but I'll leave that for another post. It's my blog.